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Day 26

Hmm. Well, I think my interview for the assistantship last week went pretty well. It was short, only about 15 minutes, and basically consisted of me talking and them making careful, neutral acknowledgments. I don't know when I'll know the results - I think I'll call today and find out. Today is officially "get stuff done, you lazy lazy slacker" day. Hooray.

Things with OOIL are spiraling out of control. Saturday night brought late night movie watching (V for Vendetta) and also very late night make-outs. The line is officially crossed. This makes me a terrible, horrible person.

But can I say, holy shit, it was good. I am astonishingly attracted to this guy. I wanted to spend the night. I actually wanted to sleep there. The only thing that stopped me was that, still living with my parents, they'd probably think I'd been horribly killed if I stayed out all night. Really, really need to move out asap.

So I'm stuck between extreme elation and extreme guilt. And what I really hate is that nothing is decided. I feel like I ought to value myself more than to commence in the make-outs with some guy who can't make any guarantees that we can date. That feels like bad decision central to me. However, that may be cultural conditioning. Society would have girls feel that they shouldn't bestow their "favors" on guys who aren't going to commit and treat them right. But that model of thinking relies on some ridiculous idea of "purity" and of girls giving away some of that purity by having any kind of physical relationship. (I am not even talking about sex right now.) Which is stupid. A girl can make out with a guy because she's attracted to him and it's fun for her. No shame in that. It still might be part of the bad decision making club, however. Ack.

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